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MUST READ: A girlfriend is not a wife

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I cringed at taking drugs when ill as a kid. Trust me, they were bitter! I would sometimes throw them away and pretend to have taken them. I only ended up deceiving myself. My illness worsened. Regardless of the bitterness of the drug, it had to be taken for one to be well.

Truth is like a drug. It is always bitter. However, no matter how bitter the truth is, one shouldn’t avoid it for a half-truth. After all, half-truth, like half-lie, is still a lie. It is about time some young men of today knew this truth… regardless of how hard it may be for them to take it. The truth is… your girlfriend is not your wife! From whichever perspective you look at it, as long as you are not married to her, she’s only a girlfriend… and not a wife.

You may be the best of couples in town. You can be the Romeo and Juliet of our time. However, inasmuch as you haven’t paid for her dowry, she’s not obliged to do anything for you… and not obliged to demand anything from you either.

It’s like walking into the mall to buy a pair of breathtaking trousers. All you can do is to have a gaze of it and admire its beauty… as long as you haven’t paid a dime for it. You can’t try it on. No. You can’t walk out of the mall with it without paying for it. You’ll be beaten into pulp for shoplifting.

Such is the difference between dating and marriage. When you walk into the mall, you’re dating. It doesn’t necessarily mean you may buy something from the mall. When you buy whatever, it’s called marriage. As long as you haven’t paid for her dowry, you are only dating. You can only admire her amazing features from a distance. You can’t touch her. You can’t ‘try’ her on. For Heaven’s sake, you’re not a ‘trying officer’!

Love is such a beautiful thing to experience. It’s only love that would make us sometimes do what we do. But for love, Jacob wouldn’t have labored for Rachel for as long as fourteen (14) years to make her his wife. But for love, Romeo wouldn’t have died for a Juliet.

The interesting thing, however, is when to draw the line between love and the other thing that looks like love. To be in love with a woman, you should know your boundaries… especially when you both are not yet married. A girlfriend, every young man should always remember, is not a wife. It doesn’t matter how long you both have dated. A girlfriend of a decade is still a girlfriend… not a wife.

I recently chanced on a news item where a young taxi driver had stabbed his girlfriend to death because she jilted him. Apparently, he had been paying her fees for God knows how long! For how long would some of us keep repeating the same errors? For how long would we mistake our girlfriends for our wives? How long would it take us to admit that as long as you both are not married, every expense any party makes is voluntary?

Paying for your girlfriend’s great grandparents’ funeral expenses is your headache. Being an alternative pension benefit to her parents is your own cup of tea. You can even compensate her for all the bills she has ever paid since childhood. However, if that relationship doesn’t end in marriage, she doesn’t owe you a penny. Don’t go threatening. You know why? A girlfriend is not a wife. Simple.

Am I encouraging stinginess? No. Gifts enhance relationships. Love is giving and giving is love. However, one should be wary of the worth of whatever they are giving. Know your limit because anything you do for her now is pro bono. It is voluntary. Every expense incurred as long as she’s a girlfriend is a freebie. She doesn’t owe anyone accountability. If you both don’t get married someday, don’t go killing yourself and don’t go threatening her either. Irony is, she would come take selfie with your corpse in case you try anything suicidal.

You are under no obligation to give whatever to her and she’s under no obligation to give whatever to you. If you know your girlfriend is not your wife, you won’t give her one thing and expect another (often sex) in return. You know you’ve not wedded her so how on Earth do you expect her to compulsorily cook and wash for you… just because you bought her a gift!?

Marriage comes with its own rights, privileges and responsibilities. You’re not entitled to any of these if there’s no such ceremony and legal agreement between you both.

Before you dare lay a finger on someone who’s only a girlfriend, ask yourself whether you know how much dowry costs. Abuse is prohibited within the confines of marriage let alone outside of it.

Before you threateningly demand one duty or another from someone to whom you are not yet married, ask yourself whether you are only a boyfriend or husband. You don’t pound someone’s daughter in bed after she’s pounded fufu for you just because you gave her some pounds! Chairman, if you love her, put a ring on it. That’s only when you can demand some duties from her. Until then, you are on your own.

Are you paying fees for someone who’s not yet a wife under the pretense of marriage? Are you footing the bill of a family under the guise of marrying their daughter? God bless you Mr. NGO! After all, if that relationship doesn’t even end up in marriage someday, you would have reduced illiteracy and poverty in your own ‘small’ way. We need more of such donors.

Source :

Kobina Ansah

Derrick Asare is an Editor for Xbitgh. He love Music, going to the movies, making friends, web designer, computer science major.

Relationship

” I Cheat Because I Have 9 Inches Pen!s And My Wife Can’t Take It,So She’s Always Crying When I Want To Do The Distin”—25 Married Men Tell Why They Cheat

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25 Married Men Tell Why They Cheat

After releasing what many viewed as the most shocking confessions of cheating Ghanaian married women, David Papa Bondze-Mbir, has published the confessions of married men titled the “Naked Queens”.

#TheNakedQueens

  1. “Dave, this whole cheating thing erh, it’s not like it’s our fault oh… Charley, the thing feels WRONG, but at the same time, it feels GOOD!”

  2. “I’m Nine (9) inches long, thick and wide. She can’t seem to take all of me inside her. And, she was a virgin when we married. We’ve tried everything to enable her enjoy sex with me, but she’s always in pain and bruises. Anytime I want sex, she’d be in tears. I don’t know for how long this marriage to her may last, because I love sex, rough sex, and she’s too ‘green’ slow and ‘godly’ for my liking. I want a wife at home, and a ‘slut’ in the bedroom. She’s too much of a wife for me, and she can’t seem to find her balance. It turns me off. That’s why I’ve been cheating.”

  3. “My wife’s Church was organizing a couples retreat, and one of her Church-member friends, made a pass at me, and slept with me the following week. She is married too. I did feel guilty but I don’t think I slept with her because I wasn’t happy in my marriage… Nah, far from it. Wife and I are very cool. These things just happen every now and then.”

  4. “I suck at confrontation. The relationship wasn’t working. She knew, yet kept hoping things could change. I wasn’t interested anymore, so I cheated my way out of it.”

  5. “Being with my wife now, honestly, feels like she doesn’t really care about my emotional needs or what’s happening with me on a daily basis anymore. That’s why I had to find someone else who appeared more interested and excited about me.”

  6. “Wife is lazy in bed. When it comes to sex, I’m an action movies. She’s into drama. Sexually, we are not compatible.”

 

  1. “I’ve been married for 11 years. I am in love with my wife. I love my family, however, when the opportunity knocks, my zip ought to come down. It’s a man’s thing. Thank you.”

 

  1. “I am 49 years old, and I think I feel like an ‘old’ man when I am with my wife. The ‘Me’ I know used to love life. I loved adventure, fun, and the challenge. I am cheating because this side-attraction, knows how to make me feel young. It’s like, I’m at my prime age again – when I’m with her.”

 

  1. “I love being given blowjobs. I love going down on women, ‘Anotafrebomski’. My wife wouldn’t give me blowjobs because she finds it disgusting. She would rush me to penetrate her when I would want to go down, take time to explore and play with her ‘punaana’. I’m cheating because she doesn’t excite me. Outsiders do.”

 

  1. “My relationship was going rather too fast for me. I wanted to go out and see the world, before saying “Forsaking all others…” And I sowed my wild oats, before settling down. A blast from the past showed up at my office – and I couldn’t just let her go liadat! That was when I started cheating on my wife.”

 

  1. “I cheat because I am not born to be with just one woman. It’s not right!”

 

  1. “A job opportunity came my way after being home for over Three (3) years. I did not really look into the specifics of the job because I was eager to start doing something. The friend who introduced me to the job assured me that I qualified. All they needed was a full photo of me and my CV. I got to the interview, only to find out it was a fertility-kind-of clinic, which had other chain of businesses operating, on the same building, as cover-ups.

We were supposed to be ‘baby making machines’ for a monthly salary of a few thousands of GHs plus bonuses. I was given a car, a cover-up office, and my main office, which had a bedroom, toilet and bath, a kitchen, and a hall. Customers would just profile us, and then choose whom to ‘work’ with. A customer may choose to go the natural way, or I wank and cum into a container for it to be inseminated in them. So far, I am fathering over 29 kids. And most of my customers preferred natural intercourse until they took seed.

All my customers are married women whose husbands are, or may be impotent. I’ve also had customers who just preferred a certain gene to father their kids – instead of their husband’s gene. The woman I am sleeping with currently is my wife’s friend, who paid for our services, and chose me to work on her. She got pregnant, but afterwards, threatened to blackmail me to my wife, if I did not build a sexual relationship with her. We’ve been dating for over Four (4) years now, and my wife nor her husband have a clue. I have fallen in love with her over time, so you could say I am in love with two women. She helped me find a new job.”

  1. “My girlfriend finds me attractive; my wife doesn’t: At least, not anymore.”

 

  1. “So why do we men really cheat? Well, I am newly married, a month old to be precise. I remember vividly those days when I frequent David Mbir’s page to glimpse on what marriage was all about. And it was just one word I could use to describe it then: SCARY. So back to the question. I’ll use those days when I was dating as an example. The lady I dated prior to the woman I married gave me a sour relationship. I almost forgot “the how” and “the feeling” and “the sparks” being in a relationship. It got to a point where I began to see her as my sister hence not attractive.

To paint a better picture; we couldn’t even last 10 seconds in kissing not to even talk about hugging and squeezing and caressing. When I initiate, she will push me away. It was like we were having Sumo Wrestling in bed just trying to have one-dying-kiss. When I asked her why she does that; she will say to me that she doesn’t trust me. She said it was because of her past lover who had his way with her by spiking her drink which I felt sorry for her. And so I was in this relationship for Three (3) years hoping things will change, hoping she will be exciting, hoping she will be spontaneous, hoping she will crave for my hotness in her wetness.

I am the kind of guy that get emotional with words. I enjoy naughty conversation. So as a consolation, I frequently used to initiate sex chat with her hoping that could trigger some nerve in her body. But when I start, she would use a detour to come out. Or there were some days that she would gel well into the idea of us to be intimate but when we finally see then she switched back into a Sumo Wrestler. So I cried to my wife (then my friend) and somehow, someway, we met and we enjoyed every bit of it. That sensation chasing a fresh fish in the sea.

That usual constant checking ups. Something was borne out of our friendship into love. And when I finally had the chance to kiss her after we watched a movie at the mall. I felt goosebumps on her arms. My wife was practically trembling with just my kiss. I felt special. My ego boosted. I wanted to have more. I wanted a woman that appreciates my kiss, my touch, my cuddling. Dave, it was then I knew I had wasted three years of my life. So Yes! I cheated but I don’t regret.”

 

  1. “Weight is an issue for me. If she hadn’t gained so much weight.”

 

  1. “Dave, I don’t know if mine is cheating though: I enjoy sexting and flirting online only. There is no harm in that, is there? After all, I don’t meet up with any of these women in person. In fact, to me, it’s just a game.”

 

  1. “I lost my job a few years back. Staying at home doing nothing, applying for jobs and not getting any – left me depressed and frustrated. I found myself drinking more than usual, and some of these girls at these bars are to die for, Dave. I ‘died’ for a few.”

 

  1. “I’ve been attracted to the same-sex for as long as I can remember. I married a woman to fit the ‘manly’ role society has created for men. Do I love my wife? No! Do I love my kids? Yes! Am I in love with my gay partner (who is also married with kids)? Yes! I am very much in love with him. We are able to make time to be with each other, many times in a week. And because we are also both friends with the other’s significant other, we are able to be together in each other’s home, when our wives are away. It’s been 25 years of knowing my male partner. I’ve been married to my wife for 12 years.”

 

  1. “Sex in the morning, sex in the evening and sex at dawn is what keeps me sane every day. I want it every day, so when I was getting less than I knew I was entitled to, at home, in our forth month of marriage, I had to seek for it out there… And I got it in abundance.”

 

  1. “Social media makes me sin. When a fine girl reaches out to me on Facebook, or WhatsApp’s something sexy (photo/nasty sentences, etc.) I go with the flow. I used to ‘fight’ it, so I stay faithful to my wife, but Dave, the means to enable me cheat are just there – in my home. Technology cause ‘am.”

  2. “I cheated because I became too used to my wife. I needed something different, something fresh.”

 

  1. I recently had a baby girl with my friend. We met through an assignment. She is divorced and is leading a very comfortable life. I hit on her because she is matured, single and wanted to have a baby. We hit it out because of our common interest: I have been married for Eight (8) years without children. I wanted kids too, but my wife kept experiencing miscarriages upon miscarriages. We even lost a baby twice. I felt her womb wasn’t receptive, so I tried it with my friend and I got the package in Nine (9) months. Healthy baby girl. The most beautiful little thing I have ever seen. We are already having talks about having a boy next year.”

 

  1. “My wife wanted me to find a substitute to relieve her off her sexual duties. She began to find making love with me a chore. She was okay with me finding one lady to sleep with till her mojo re-activated. It’s been Eight (8) months now.”

 

  1. “First, it was the lump in my wife’s breast. Then, the bloody nipple discharge. The inverted nipple, the dimpling of the breasts skin, the pains she felt every time I accidently touched her breasts during sex. I am attracted to a woman more because of her breasts. So if all of a sudden, your once fully equipped wife, begins to feel a sore in her nipple, her lymph nodes in the neck and armpit look swollen, sex becomes almost impossible. I had to look the other way. Now, her breast has been removed. Nothing on her attracts me anymore. It’s just the truth.”

 

  1. “My wife pissed me off in the most humiliating way, and she wasn’t willing to apologize. I had an affair to punish her; to hurt her real bad… And, I made sure she knew about it. Sometimes, women need to submit, and know who the man of the house is.”

 

  1. “Dave, even though my wife and I have been through a lot in this 18 years of marriage, with my countless messing ups, having numerous affairs due to the distance (Family is in Kumasi, I work in Accra), I know I love my wife with everything in me. Together with our Three (3) kids may not be perfect, but we are everything as a family. Distance is the main reason I am cheating on her. When I used to work in Kumasi, I was faithful. When I was promoted and transferred to Accra, we all couldn’t move to Accra: Kids were in school there, she had a business to sustain there, etc. So we agreed on the weekends visitations. And it’s unfortunate I can’t go three days without sex.”

From the inbox of David Papa Bondze-Mbir’s Facebook page.

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