If you need some signs (hey, we love signs) that your husband is indeed quietly in love with you, here are eight that show he isn’t going anywhere.
He knows you hate doing the damn dishes—so he does them.
When you’ve been together for years, it’s obvious that your husband knows your likes and dislikes. But if you want to know if he loves you, see how he adjusts to your “irritation triggers.” “If he knows the three or four things that will always hurt you or put you off balance, and then knows just what to do to either avoid them or get you up and running again when they do happen, then consider him your antidote,” says Tatkin.
So rather than picking a fight because it’s “your turn” to take care of the dishes, you’re more likely to find him loading up the machine before bed. Just remember to return the favor and handle something that drives him batty—or at least consider taking dish duty as a thank you, because we bet he doesn’t love that chore, either.
He always says “whatever you want” for date night.
It’s easy to take this as a sign of disinterest, butPaul Coleman, a psychologist and author ofFinding Peace When Your Heart is in Pieces, says that when men are in love, they usually appear less enthusiastic than women do simply because of their serotonin levels. Seriously: research shows that men who are in love have lower serotonin levels.
“The amount of serotonin you have in your body as a woman makes you act happy and show it more,” says Coleman. “But because men’s levels aren’t as high, they don’t feel the need to do that—they’re happy showing you love by agreeing to do whatever it is you want to do, even if it’s just sitting next to you and watching TV.” Rather than being frustrated because you’re the one coming up with date night ideas, look at it as an opportunity to branch out and try something different.
He says your first name during sex.
It’s part of the norm to call each other “babe,” “honey,” or even “mama,” throughout the day (hey, sometimes it’s just easier when you have kids), but Tatkin says that if he says your first name in the midst of sex, it’s a sign that he’s fully present in the moment with you and doesn’t want to be intimate with anyone else. Another clue? Eye contact—both in and out of the bedroom—and a willingness to talk about more personal matters (ones that involve the two of you on a relationship level, not what the kids need to get done this week) as part of pillow talk. “Both show that he’s still interested and, rather than seeing you as someone he thinks he already knows, you’re someone he continually wants to learn about,” says Tatkin.
He’ll go to that theme-party without whining.
Picture this: on the rare night that you’re able to get a sitter, there’s a Gatsby-esque birthday party happening for your bestie’s 40th. You know your hubs will essentially kick and scream the whole way because he hates big parties and dressing up. Then again…maybe he won’t. If he doesn’t give you grief (okay, he can once or twice—guys think these things are over-the-top), then he’sshowing you love. “When you say that you really want him with you and then he just puts on his party clothes without grumbling, he’s putting aside his own preferences and tastes to make you happy,” says Sophia Dembling, author ofIntroverts in Love: The Quiet Way to Happily Ever After. He wouldn’t do that if he didn’t love you, proving that sometimes what he doesn’t do speaks louder than what he does.
He’s quick to end an argument.
Ever get to a point in the argument where you know you’re wrong, but you’re secretly trying to figure out a way to prove that you aren’t? Your husband probably hasn’t—at least not in a while—because one way he proves that he’s still head-over-heels for you is, well, letting you win. “He puts you ahead of having to be right because he knows that any delay in fixing misunderstandings or hurt feelings can lead to a long-lasting memory that doesn’t bode well for your future,” says Tatkin. So when he throws up a white flag, he’s not doing it out of laziness—he just doesn’t want to see you upset. And if you’re more willing to battle it out, that doesn’t make you a bad person. Tatkin says it’s easier for guys to give in, essentially, because they tend to avoid confrontation at all costs in the first place. Next time you find yourself in this situation, take a step back and decide what’s more important: being right or resolving the issue? Taking that moment can help you get back to a healthy place to continue your discussion.
He puts the electronics away.
We’re all guilty of being glued to our phones: Snapchatting that funny thing the baby did. Instagramming your date night meal. Sharing an article you like on Facebook. But when your husband actively cuts technology out of his daily routine to spend time with you, it’s a sign that he still wants to connect, says Fawn Weaver, author of Happy Wives Club. “When a man loves a woman, no matter how demanding his job, he knows how to put his phone down, close his laptop, and give his undivided attention. There is a consistent effort to put his love ahead of his career and friends.” Now, that doesn’t mean he’s going to drop what he’s doing at the exact second you want him to (he’s not your beck-and-call boy), but if he makes a concerted effort to carve out quality time for the two of you sans-tech, then he’s still very much into you.
He never says the ‘D’ word.
You’ve had those knock-down, drag-out fightsthat are way worse (and less funny) than any SNL skit, but even in the darkest of times, your husband never says the word “divorce,” says Tatkin, explaining that a happy husband doesn’tthreaten his relationship even when he’s upset, frustrated, or incredibly angry. Instead, he’s learned how to have a fight the right way—because yes, you’ll still have them—and knows when it’s best for the relationship to walk away and blow off steam. “Nothing good can come from threatening the relationship or making you feel like it may not exist in the near future,” says Tatkin. Taking the option of divorce off the table gives you both the opportunity to express how you really feel without fear that the other is going to walk out on the relationship, so you can get to the root of any serious issues.
He still makes an effort to surprise you.
Though you may rule the world—and household—with shared Google calendars and group text messages, if your husband still makes effort to surprise you with things he knows will brighten your day, he’s still lovin’ on your pretty hard, says Weaver. “This isn’t about expensive gifts. Oftentimes it’s something as simple as bringing home a favorite candy or carton of ice cream, or picking up tickets when you mentioned you wanted to see a certain movie,” she says. The point is that he’s thinking of ways to keep your relationship fresh and engaged, and showing you that he still remembers the little things that make you smile.
” I Cheat Because I Have 9 Inches Pen!s And My Wife Can’t Take It,So She’s Always Crying When I Want To Do The Distin”—25 Married Men Tell Why They Cheat
After releasing what many viewed as the most shocking confessions of cheating Ghanaian married women, David Papa Bondze-Mbir, has published the confessions of married men titled the “Naked Queens”.
- “Dave, this whole cheating thing erh, it’s not like it’s our fault oh… Charley, the thing feels WRONG, but at the same time, it feels GOOD!”
“I’m Nine (9) inches long, thick and wide. She can’t seem to take all of me inside her. And, she was a virgin when we married. We’ve tried everything to enable her enjoy sex with me, but she’s always in pain and bruises. Anytime I want sex, she’d be in tears. I don’t know for how long this marriage to her may last, because I love sex, rough sex, and she’s too ‘green’ slow and ‘godly’ for my liking. I want a wife at home, and a ‘slut’ in the bedroom. She’s too much of a wife for me, and she can’t seem to find her balance. It turns me off. That’s why I’ve been cheating.”
“My wife’s Church was organizing a couples retreat, and one of her Church-member friends, made a pass at me, and slept with me the following week. She is married too. I did feel guilty but I don’t think I slept with her because I wasn’t happy in my marriage… Nah, far from it. Wife and I are very cool. These things just happen every now and then.”
“I suck at confrontation. The relationship wasn’t working. She knew, yet kept hoping things could change. I wasn’t interested anymore, so I cheated my way out of it.”
“Being with my wife now, honestly, feels like she doesn’t really care about my emotional needs or what’s happening with me on a daily basis anymore. That’s why I had to find someone else who appeared more interested and excited about me.”
“Wife is lazy in bed. When it comes to sex, I’m an action movies. She’s into drama. Sexually, we are not compatible.”
- “I’ve been married for 11 years. I am in love with my wife. I love my family, however, when the opportunity knocks, my zip ought to come down. It’s a man’s thing. Thank you.”
- “I am 49 years old, and I think I feel like an ‘old’ man when I am with my wife. The ‘Me’ I know used to love life. I loved adventure, fun, and the challenge. I am cheating because this side-attraction, knows how to make me feel young. It’s like, I’m at my prime age again – when I’m with her.”
- “I love being given blowjobs. I love going down on women, ‘Anotafrebomski’. My wife wouldn’t give me blowjobs because she finds it disgusting. She would rush me to penetrate her when I would want to go down, take time to explore and play with her ‘punaana’. I’m cheating because she doesn’t excite me. Outsiders do.”
- “My relationship was going rather too fast for me. I wanted to go out and see the world, before saying “Forsaking all others…” And I sowed my wild oats, before settling down. A blast from the past showed up at my office – and I couldn’t just let her go liadat! That was when I started cheating on my wife.”
- “I cheat because I am not born to be with just one woman. It’s not right!”
- “A job opportunity came my way after being home for over Three (3) years. I did not really look into the specifics of the job because I was eager to start doing something. The friend who introduced me to the job assured me that I qualified. All they needed was a full photo of me and my CV. I got to the interview, only to find out it was a fertility-kind-of clinic, which had other chain of businesses operating, on the same building, as cover-ups.
We were supposed to be ‘baby making machines’ for a monthly salary of a few thousands of GHs plus bonuses. I was given a car, a cover-up office, and my main office, which had a bedroom, toilet and bath, a kitchen, and a hall. Customers would just profile us, and then choose whom to ‘work’ with. A customer may choose to go the natural way, or I wank and cum into a container for it to be inseminated in them. So far, I am fathering over 29 kids. And most of my customers preferred natural intercourse until they took seed.
All my customers are married women whose husbands are, or may be impotent. I’ve also had customers who just preferred a certain gene to father their kids – instead of their husband’s gene. The woman I am sleeping with currently is my wife’s friend, who paid for our services, and chose me to work on her. She got pregnant, but afterwards, threatened to blackmail me to my wife, if I did not build a sexual relationship with her. We’ve been dating for over Four (4) years now, and my wife nor her husband have a clue. I have fallen in love with her over time, so you could say I am in love with two women. She helped me find a new job.”
- “My girlfriend finds me attractive; my wife doesn’t: At least, not anymore.”
- “So why do we men really cheat? Well, I am newly married, a month old to be precise. I remember vividly those days when I frequent David Mbir’s page to glimpse on what marriage was all about. And it was just one word I could use to describe it then: SCARY. So back to the question. I’ll use those days when I was dating as an example. The lady I dated prior to the woman I married gave me a sour relationship. I almost forgot “the how” and “the feeling” and “the sparks” being in a relationship. It got to a point where I began to see her as my sister hence not attractive.
To paint a better picture; we couldn’t even last 10 seconds in kissing not to even talk about hugging and squeezing and caressing. When I initiate, she will push me away. It was like we were having Sumo Wrestling in bed just trying to have one-dying-kiss. When I asked her why she does that; she will say to me that she doesn’t trust me. She said it was because of her past lover who had his way with her by spiking her drink which I felt sorry for her. And so I was in this relationship for Three (3) years hoping things will change, hoping she will be exciting, hoping she will be spontaneous, hoping she will crave for my hotness in her wetness.
I am the kind of guy that get emotional with words. I enjoy naughty conversation. So as a consolation, I frequently used to initiate sex chat with her hoping that could trigger some nerve in her body. But when I start, she would use a detour to come out. Or there were some days that she would gel well into the idea of us to be intimate but when we finally see then she switched back into a Sumo Wrestler. So I cried to my wife (then my friend) and somehow, someway, we met and we enjoyed every bit of it. That sensation chasing a fresh fish in the sea.
That usual constant checking ups. Something was borne out of our friendship into love. And when I finally had the chance to kiss her after we watched a movie at the mall. I felt goosebumps on her arms. My wife was practically trembling with just my kiss. I felt special. My ego boosted. I wanted to have more. I wanted a woman that appreciates my kiss, my touch, my cuddling. Dave, it was then I knew I had wasted three years of my life. So Yes! I cheated but I don’t regret.”
- “Weight is an issue for me. If she hadn’t gained so much weight.”
- “Dave, I don’t know if mine is cheating though: I enjoy sexting and flirting online only. There is no harm in that, is there? After all, I don’t meet up with any of these women in person. In fact, to me, it’s just a game.”
- “I lost my job a few years back. Staying at home doing nothing, applying for jobs and not getting any – left me depressed and frustrated. I found myself drinking more than usual, and some of these girls at these bars are to die for, Dave. I ‘died’ for a few.”
- “I’ve been attracted to the same-sex for as long as I can remember. I married a woman to fit the ‘manly’ role society has created for men. Do I love my wife? No! Do I love my kids? Yes! Am I in love with my gay partner (who is also married with kids)? Yes! I am very much in love with him. We are able to make time to be with each other, many times in a week. And because we are also both friends with the other’s significant other, we are able to be together in each other’s home, when our wives are away. It’s been 25 years of knowing my male partner. I’ve been married to my wife for 12 years.”
- “Sex in the morning, sex in the evening and sex at dawn is what keeps me sane every day. I want it every day, so when I was getting less than I knew I was entitled to, at home, in our forth month of marriage, I had to seek for it out there… And I got it in abundance.”
- “Social media makes me sin. When a fine girl reaches out to me on Facebook, or WhatsApp’s something sexy (photo/nasty sentences, etc.) I go with the flow. I used to ‘fight’ it, so I stay faithful to my wife, but Dave, the means to enable me cheat are just there – in my home. Technology cause ‘am.”
“I cheated because I became too used to my wife. I needed something different, something fresh.”
- I recently had a baby girl with my friend. We met through an assignment. She is divorced and is leading a very comfortable life. I hit on her because she is matured, single and wanted to have a baby. We hit it out because of our common interest: I have been married for Eight (8) years without children. I wanted kids too, but my wife kept experiencing miscarriages upon miscarriages. We even lost a baby twice. I felt her womb wasn’t receptive, so I tried it with my friend and I got the package in Nine (9) months. Healthy baby girl. The most beautiful little thing I have ever seen. We are already having talks about having a boy next year.”
- “My wife wanted me to find a substitute to relieve her off her sexual duties. She began to find making love with me a chore. She was okay with me finding one lady to sleep with till her mojo re-activated. It’s been Eight (8) months now.”
- “First, it was the lump in my wife’s breast. Then, the bloody nipple discharge. The inverted nipple, the dimpling of the breasts skin, the pains she felt every time I accidently touched her breasts during sex. I am attracted to a woman more because of her breasts. So if all of a sudden, your once fully equipped wife, begins to feel a sore in her nipple, her lymph nodes in the neck and armpit look swollen, sex becomes almost impossible. I had to look the other way. Now, her breast has been removed. Nothing on her attracts me anymore. It’s just the truth.”
- “My wife pissed me off in the most humiliating way, and she wasn’t willing to apologize. I had an affair to punish her; to hurt her real bad… And, I made sure she knew about it. Sometimes, women need to submit, and know who the man of the house is.”
- “Dave, even though my wife and I have been through a lot in this 18 years of marriage, with my countless messing ups, having numerous affairs due to the distance (Family is in Kumasi, I work in Accra), I know I love my wife with everything in me. Together with our Three (3) kids may not be perfect, but we are everything as a family. Distance is the main reason I am cheating on her. When I used to work in Kumasi, I was faithful. When I was promoted and transferred to Accra, we all couldn’t move to Accra: Kids were in school there, she had a business to sustain there, etc. So we agreed on the weekends visitations. And it’s unfortunate I can’t go three days without sex.”
From the inbox of David Papa Bondze-Mbir’s Facebook page.
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