Red roses. High-end chocolate. Candlelit dinner. All status symbols of Valentine’s Day. But even before my divorce, Valentine’s Day rarely looked so ideal. Overcrowded restaurants, the stress of securing a babysitter and fizzled expectations — not unlike those found on Christmas afternoons — encapsulated my “day of love.”
- But that’s really what it is. Valentine’s Day is a day to show love. Valentine’s Day is a day to build up those you care about. And Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate anyone who makes a difference in your life. Even your single friends.So tap into your own vulnerability. Think about your time as one of the single folk, and keep your lips sealed before you say any of these six lame (but oh-so-common) phrases.
“Valentine’s Day must be hard.”
Why it’s a lame thing to say: Assuming that Valentine’s Day will be hard for a single friend suggests the worst. It suggests that Valentine’s Day should be hard as a single person. And depending on your relationship with the person, its underlying tone says: What could a single person possibly be happy about on Valentine’s Day? Exuding pity toward your friend is not exactly the most loving vibe.
What to say instead: Nothing. Or depending on your relationship with your single friend you could say: I love you. I’m glad to see you. I’m so glad you’re my friend.
“I could set you up.”
Why it’s a lame thing to say: So much of life is about timing. If you’re already friends with thus stated single person, then pick another day (other than Valentine’s Day) to inquire about his interest in being set up.
What to say instead: Nothing. If you’re good enough friends, ask your single friend — on any day other than Valentine’s Day — if she has any interest in meeting someone you know. Based on her response, drop it or expand more.
“I’ve heard online dating works.”
Why it’s a lame thing to say: Timing. Timing. Timing. The most loaded day for being in a relationship is probably not the day to share your grapevine advice with someone. And this comment is laced with assumptions and pity.
What to say instead — nothing.
“You’re lucky you’re not in a relationship!”
Why it’s a lame thing to say: This statement is a back-handed compliment — both to your partner and your single friend. This comment also assumes the single person you’re talking to wants to be in a relationship — and she is really the fortunate one to have an unencumbered life since your relationship-clad life is so hard and complicated. It also exudes a sense of pity and suggests your single friend is flawed because she is not in a relationship.
What to say instead: Nothing. Or a sincere “I’m so happy I know you.”
“But you’re so pretty-handsome-nice-funny.”
Why it’s a lame thing to say: This statement is intended to be a compliment — but the lingering unasked question is: “So, I don’t understand how you could be single?”Which places blame on your friend for not being in a relationship.
What to say instead: Nothing. Or if the moment warrants, tell her you love her sense of humor, the way she communicates, or say how glad you are that she is your friend.
“You’ll find your special someone.”
Why it’s a lame thing to say: Again, this comment — with spotlight precision — gives your friend the sense that you see him as incomplete. And really, since we’re not psychics — we don’t actually know that our friend will find his special someone — or even if he wants a special someone right now.
What to say instead: Nothing. Or, depending on your relationship, express your feelings of gratitude for your single friend. Be specific. Be sincere. And don’t frame your expressions of love in the context of a relationship.
And so we see that life really is about the simple nothings. Expressing your love or saying nothing. Especially to your single friends on Valentine’s Day.
” I Cheat Because I Have 9 Inches Pen!s And My Wife Can’t Take It,So She’s Always Crying When I Want To Do The Distin”—25 Married Men Tell Why They Cheat
After releasing what many viewed as the most shocking confessions of cheating Ghanaian married women, David Papa Bondze-Mbir, has published the confessions of married men titled the “Naked Queens”.
- “Dave, this whole cheating thing erh, it’s not like it’s our fault oh… Charley, the thing feels WRONG, but at the same time, it feels GOOD!”
“I’m Nine (9) inches long, thick and wide. She can’t seem to take all of me inside her. And, she was a virgin when we married. We’ve tried everything to enable her enjoy sex with me, but she’s always in pain and bruises. Anytime I want sex, she’d be in tears. I don’t know for how long this marriage to her may last, because I love sex, rough sex, and she’s too ‘green’ slow and ‘godly’ for my liking. I want a wife at home, and a ‘slut’ in the bedroom. She’s too much of a wife for me, and she can’t seem to find her balance. It turns me off. That’s why I’ve been cheating.”
“My wife’s Church was organizing a couples retreat, and one of her Church-member friends, made a pass at me, and slept with me the following week. She is married too. I did feel guilty but I don’t think I slept with her because I wasn’t happy in my marriage… Nah, far from it. Wife and I are very cool. These things just happen every now and then.”
“I suck at confrontation. The relationship wasn’t working. She knew, yet kept hoping things could change. I wasn’t interested anymore, so I cheated my way out of it.”
“Being with my wife now, honestly, feels like she doesn’t really care about my emotional needs or what’s happening with me on a daily basis anymore. That’s why I had to find someone else who appeared more interested and excited about me.”
“Wife is lazy in bed. When it comes to sex, I’m an action movies. She’s into drama. Sexually, we are not compatible.”
- “I’ve been married for 11 years. I am in love with my wife. I love my family, however, when the opportunity knocks, my zip ought to come down. It’s a man’s thing. Thank you.”
- “I am 49 years old, and I think I feel like an ‘old’ man when I am with my wife. The ‘Me’ I know used to love life. I loved adventure, fun, and the challenge. I am cheating because this side-attraction, knows how to make me feel young. It’s like, I’m at my prime age again – when I’m with her.”
- “I love being given blowjobs. I love going down on women, ‘Anotafrebomski’. My wife wouldn’t give me blowjobs because she finds it disgusting. She would rush me to penetrate her when I would want to go down, take time to explore and play with her ‘punaana’. I’m cheating because she doesn’t excite me. Outsiders do.”
- “My relationship was going rather too fast for me. I wanted to go out and see the world, before saying “Forsaking all others…” And I sowed my wild oats, before settling down. A blast from the past showed up at my office – and I couldn’t just let her go liadat! That was when I started cheating on my wife.”
- “I cheat because I am not born to be with just one woman. It’s not right!”
- “A job opportunity came my way after being home for over Three (3) years. I did not really look into the specifics of the job because I was eager to start doing something. The friend who introduced me to the job assured me that I qualified. All they needed was a full photo of me and my CV. I got to the interview, only to find out it was a fertility-kind-of clinic, which had other chain of businesses operating, on the same building, as cover-ups.
We were supposed to be ‘baby making machines’ for a monthly salary of a few thousands of GHs plus bonuses. I was given a car, a cover-up office, and my main office, which had a bedroom, toilet and bath, a kitchen, and a hall. Customers would just profile us, and then choose whom to ‘work’ with. A customer may choose to go the natural way, or I wank and cum into a container for it to be inseminated in them. So far, I am fathering over 29 kids. And most of my customers preferred natural intercourse until they took seed.
All my customers are married women whose husbands are, or may be impotent. I’ve also had customers who just preferred a certain gene to father their kids – instead of their husband’s gene. The woman I am sleeping with currently is my wife’s friend, who paid for our services, and chose me to work on her. She got pregnant, but afterwards, threatened to blackmail me to my wife, if I did not build a sexual relationship with her. We’ve been dating for over Four (4) years now, and my wife nor her husband have a clue. I have fallen in love with her over time, so you could say I am in love with two women. She helped me find a new job.”
- “My girlfriend finds me attractive; my wife doesn’t: At least, not anymore.”
- “So why do we men really cheat? Well, I am newly married, a month old to be precise. I remember vividly those days when I frequent David Mbir’s page to glimpse on what marriage was all about. And it was just one word I could use to describe it then: SCARY. So back to the question. I’ll use those days when I was dating as an example. The lady I dated prior to the woman I married gave me a sour relationship. I almost forgot “the how” and “the feeling” and “the sparks” being in a relationship. It got to a point where I began to see her as my sister hence not attractive.
To paint a better picture; we couldn’t even last 10 seconds in kissing not to even talk about hugging and squeezing and caressing. When I initiate, she will push me away. It was like we were having Sumo Wrestling in bed just trying to have one-dying-kiss. When I asked her why she does that; she will say to me that she doesn’t trust me. She said it was because of her past lover who had his way with her by spiking her drink which I felt sorry for her. And so I was in this relationship for Three (3) years hoping things will change, hoping she will be exciting, hoping she will be spontaneous, hoping she will crave for my hotness in her wetness.
I am the kind of guy that get emotional with words. I enjoy naughty conversation. So as a consolation, I frequently used to initiate sex chat with her hoping that could trigger some nerve in her body. But when I start, she would use a detour to come out. Or there were some days that she would gel well into the idea of us to be intimate but when we finally see then she switched back into a Sumo Wrestler. So I cried to my wife (then my friend) and somehow, someway, we met and we enjoyed every bit of it. That sensation chasing a fresh fish in the sea.
That usual constant checking ups. Something was borne out of our friendship into love. And when I finally had the chance to kiss her after we watched a movie at the mall. I felt goosebumps on her arms. My wife was practically trembling with just my kiss. I felt special. My ego boosted. I wanted to have more. I wanted a woman that appreciates my kiss, my touch, my cuddling. Dave, it was then I knew I had wasted three years of my life. So Yes! I cheated but I don’t regret.”
- “Weight is an issue for me. If she hadn’t gained so much weight.”
- “Dave, I don’t know if mine is cheating though: I enjoy sexting and flirting online only. There is no harm in that, is there? After all, I don’t meet up with any of these women in person. In fact, to me, it’s just a game.”
- “I lost my job a few years back. Staying at home doing nothing, applying for jobs and not getting any – left me depressed and frustrated. I found myself drinking more than usual, and some of these girls at these bars are to die for, Dave. I ‘died’ for a few.”
- “I’ve been attracted to the same-sex for as long as I can remember. I married a woman to fit the ‘manly’ role society has created for men. Do I love my wife? No! Do I love my kids? Yes! Am I in love with my gay partner (who is also married with kids)? Yes! I am very much in love with him. We are able to make time to be with each other, many times in a week. And because we are also both friends with the other’s significant other, we are able to be together in each other’s home, when our wives are away. It’s been 25 years of knowing my male partner. I’ve been married to my wife for 12 years.”
- “Sex in the morning, sex in the evening and sex at dawn is what keeps me sane every day. I want it every day, so when I was getting less than I knew I was entitled to, at home, in our forth month of marriage, I had to seek for it out there… And I got it in abundance.”
- “Social media makes me sin. When a fine girl reaches out to me on Facebook, or WhatsApp’s something sexy (photo/nasty sentences, etc.) I go with the flow. I used to ‘fight’ it, so I stay faithful to my wife, but Dave, the means to enable me cheat are just there – in my home. Technology cause ‘am.”
“I cheated because I became too used to my wife. I needed something different, something fresh.”
- I recently had a baby girl with my friend. We met through an assignment. She is divorced and is leading a very comfortable life. I hit on her because she is matured, single and wanted to have a baby. We hit it out because of our common interest: I have been married for Eight (8) years without children. I wanted kids too, but my wife kept experiencing miscarriages upon miscarriages. We even lost a baby twice. I felt her womb wasn’t receptive, so I tried it with my friend and I got the package in Nine (9) months. Healthy baby girl. The most beautiful little thing I have ever seen. We are already having talks about having a boy next year.”
- “My wife wanted me to find a substitute to relieve her off her sexual duties. She began to find making love with me a chore. She was okay with me finding one lady to sleep with till her mojo re-activated. It’s been Eight (8) months now.”
- “First, it was the lump in my wife’s breast. Then, the bloody nipple discharge. The inverted nipple, the dimpling of the breasts skin, the pains she felt every time I accidently touched her breasts during sex. I am attracted to a woman more because of her breasts. So if all of a sudden, your once fully equipped wife, begins to feel a sore in her nipple, her lymph nodes in the neck and armpit look swollen, sex becomes almost impossible. I had to look the other way. Now, her breast has been removed. Nothing on her attracts me anymore. It’s just the truth.”
- “My wife pissed me off in the most humiliating way, and she wasn’t willing to apologize. I had an affair to punish her; to hurt her real bad… And, I made sure she knew about it. Sometimes, women need to submit, and know who the man of the house is.”
- “Dave, even though my wife and I have been through a lot in this 18 years of marriage, with my countless messing ups, having numerous affairs due to the distance (Family is in Kumasi, I work in Accra), I know I love my wife with everything in me. Together with our Three (3) kids may not be perfect, but we are everything as a family. Distance is the main reason I am cheating on her. When I used to work in Kumasi, I was faithful. When I was promoted and transferred to Accra, we all couldn’t move to Accra: Kids were in school there, she had a business to sustain there, etc. So we agreed on the weekends visitations. And it’s unfortunate I can’t go three days without sex.”
From the inbox of David Papa Bondze-Mbir’s Facebook page.
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